Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Poetry Moment: At0miC L0vE - by kelly a. abel

My Love is a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Treat it as such...

It must remain concealed from the likes of thieves, enemies, spies - the fallible...

Who wish to harness her power for the sake of selfish causes like winning personal wars and inner battles...

My Love is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

When present and diffused, she still lingers heavy as a threat, this complex creation...

Making leaders of the world cower and fall to their knees at the possibility of her devastation....

Treat it as such.

She is hidden under ground, beneath the iron fortress of a clandestine sect...

Giving the responsibility to subdue the beast and spare the world...

Ignited by a countdown from ten to one, a traitor within pushes buttons...

The world anticipates a global decimation, hands in prayer to be the celestial chosen...

At zero, the world takes a deep breath and bears witness to her magnificent implosion...

My Love is Like a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Treat it as Such...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Delicious Randomness: Is Sesame Street in Brooklyn?

Just where is Sesame Street?

I think it's in Brooklyn.

I'm leading towards Brooklyn for several reasons as follows:

1. If you proceed South down either Flatbush Avenue or Ocean Parkway towards Midwood, Canarsie and Sheepshead Bay, the streets are named after letters. Avenue T, Avenue Q, Avenue R etc. Now, I know that the East Village in Manhattan has Avenue's A through Avenue D, but the Architecture is more or less pre-war New York City Tenement-Style Multi-unit dwellings. Although, Oscar the Grouch could easily mesh in with the dumpster/toilet culture of the area...particularly in the seventies. Which leads me to reason number two:

2. Brooklyn is known for its dutch inspired row homes known as Brownstones. 123 Sesame Street is in fact, a Brownstone owned by Gordon and Olivia. Although you can find variations of a Brownstone home in just about any borough in New York City, I would say, the infamous Sesame Street Brownstone stoop has design aesthetics to brownstones seen specifically in Manhattan and Brooklyn. While 123 Sesame Street could easily blend into a West Village, Harlem or Upper West Side block, there is another factor that leads me to believe that Sesame Street is in Brooklyn:

3. Geographic Comparative: Sesame Street has a very unique layout uncommonly seen in most boroughs. It's kind of a cul-de-sac. And, it only has three buildings: 123 Sesame Street, Hooper's Store and Maria and Luis's Fix-it Shop. Upon research, Sesame Street also has a laundry mat, but I have yet to find a photograph or video of any muppets entering and exiting one. I also didn't try that hard to find one. Anyway, there is no cross-street and I'm not sure if there is a way in or a way out of Sesame Street. I've seen quite a few no-man zones like that in Brooklyn. "How the eff did I end up on this 'block'," Is something that I have mumbled many times to myself. Yes, I'm convinced that Brooklyn  has strategically placed vortexes in certain areas that sucks you into blocks that no one even knew existed. I believe Sesame Street is one of those Blocks.

4. Finally, the residents. Brooklyn is quite possibly one of the most culturally eclectic neighborhoods in New York City. It attracts residents from all over the world. Because Brooklyn was and is within the process of gentrification, many neighborhoods are rapidly becoming more culturally diverse. It's also very popular and trendy among homosexuals. (ie, Bert, Ernie, Big Bird, Snuffy and Bob). There is also a zoo located in Brooklyn that Ol' Dirty Bastard spoke fondly of (R.I.P.). The Zoo is located in Prospect Park and I'd venture to guess, Big Baby Jesus wasn't talking about goats and cubs or whatever they have caged up over there. Anywho, that would explain why there are so many animals living on Sesame Street. I'm assuming these animals got sucked through the vortex I spoke of before and got stuck on Sesame Street, learned to speak and domesticated themselves enough to rent apartments. Now, people assume that Brooklyn has some pretty rough and hardcore residents. So, the sunny dispositions of the characters might not match my theory. I almost gave up until I found this photograph:

Don't Sleep on Sesame Street....Just Sayin.

I now leave you with the song my inner child won't stop singing. You can also blame this video for inspiring this nonsense that I probably wasted too much time putting together. Godspeed, yall*

Friday, November 5, 2010


Non-Fiction, (excerpt from my novel, The Gravity of Me, available April, 2011)

kelly a. abel

People will not worship what they can see and touch. They will, however, give credence to a dream, for a dream is hope. A dream is a wish. A dream is an infinite kingdom where possibility reigns fantastic.

One day, I'll be a story of a trial you will share with your son the night before his wedding. You will tell him of a moment of uncertainty that clouded your judgment and almost made you give up everything. You will look lovingly at your wife from an obstructed view of the kitchen, watching her dart in and out view, busy with whatever.

I am the story shared between girlfriends, the urban legend. I am the written lesson of how to crash and burn with grace. My story, so lacking credibility and rich in sensationalism that they just can't resist turning each page to see what happens next.

I am the obituary written by unknown hands that my parents read blindly. A small paragraph on an antique- beige textured card with a photograph of my smiling, youthful face on the cover. It is the face they remember, the face they want to remember. They read the paragraph, generalizing and non-descriptive in content and they cry quietly in mourning over the release of a burden. They will never read the entire story.

One day, I'll be placed on the top shelf of a bookcase in your den. Covered with dust over time and left untouched and never to be revisited. You'll glance up and see my spine, leather cracked and gold embossing faded. You won't even think of the story, but you will think about how it's been a while since the cobwebs have been cleared from that top shelf. 

You will continue to move forward with your life at the pace of snail, sleepy and slow and abandoning dreams for the safety and certainty of reality. 

Still, you find yourself on your knees, beside your bed, hands prayerful, in reverence of this. Of me.

I am and I will always be nothing more than a story you tell. I am fiction at its best and tragedy at its worst. I am never, ever seen as a biographical text or a historic account of a moment that should never be forgotten. I am the Cat in the Hat. I am the scribing of youth and discovery. I am The Lord of The Rings. I am truth swallowed by fantastic beasts and heroes and lore. I am a parable within the cannon that binds the living.

I am not real. I never, ever was...not to you, not to anyone.  I am just text on paper, reading as different stories to different sets of eyes. I am a glossy, three- dollar porn rag. I am the one-thousand paged horror novel, creating phobias within your subconscious. I am a Victorian romance, unbelievable and daft to the modern reader. I am a science fiction masterpiece, a legend trailblazing between planets and stars.

I am epic.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

No Slaughterhouse for This Bovine Heffa, jusssst sayin...

I HATE being out of shape.

Ever since I had these kids, I've put dancing aside. I have not been able to commit to not one single, solitary fitness regimen since my life now belongs to little people. Between professional development, education and child rearing...not to mention living in my head and fighting insecurities, I have yet to find a place in my life to incorporate a regular healthy, physical activity.

I feel totally unfulfilled.

But...it's not like I haven't made a few attempts. Let's run down the list and see what I have tried:

Yoga and fitness videos. NO. I feel like an idiot sitting in front of a television while some fitness cyborg tries to tell me how to do a proper downward facing dog.

Running: Ha! Next.

Competitive Cycling: Okay, I bought a bike for my birthday and haven't ridden it yet. Not because I'm lazy, but because every attempt I make at peddling around my neighborhood, my plans are quickly thwarted by a psychotic Jamaican in a BMW X5 haphazardly missing my rear tire by a millimeter. I want to lose a few pounds, but not if that means expelling my organs onto concrete. Road Kill fitness...not so much my steez.

The Gym: There is no end goal. I get on the treadmill and I run. And run. But the wall in front of me isn't getting any closer and the man licking his lips next to me is still by my side, no matter how fast I try to run from him. Fitness Centers are like Hamster Wheels for people. Not feeling it so much...

The Shake Weight and The Thighmaster: Don't even ask... but, I do appreciate the free expandable closet organizers they sent (retail value 9.00 each).


So, I'm thinking that I need a regimen that will incorporate stress relief, anger management and fitness along with a tangible goal or a prize. Perhaps martial arts or maybe I should take a dance class. Hmmm...

Perhaps a Capoeira class might be just the ticket I need to fly into fitness. Hilarious. The thought of me slinging my cellulite about in a roundhouse kick circle dance is funny and disturbing. Haha..I should videotape this...

Any other ideas out there? Post a comment and give me your two cents on how I can pave my road to fitness and tell me what works or has worked for you...