Randomness

I'd like to punch you in the necktie.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my time the most.

Al dente spaghetti is for suckers. Make mine well done.

Heyyy...There's nothing musical about these chairs.

Instead of quietly leaving a tip for my waitress, I hand her my tip and say, "keep the change..ya filthy animal" - Angels with Dirty Faces, Gangster Johnny

Next time you see a lady with a big booty, she might be wearing an adult diaper...and it might be full.

Urine is a smell that you'll never forget.

Refund is "dunfeR" spelt backwards.

Fellas, next time you want to take a lady home, instead of buying drinks and making stupid conversation just say, "I'm the star of the show! Me! This is my big dick and I wanna fuck right now!" - Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights. I promise, something WILL happen.

If a tree falls on an ex-boyfriend in a forest with no one around...would anybody give a shit?

No, not manslaughter your honor...I'm just making up for an abortion that should have happened 46 years ago. His mother would thank me.

Randomness...